Monday, September 2, 2013

How to help a friend of abuse ...


More than half of all young women we surveyed have experienced abusive behavior in a relationship. That means someone you know is probably a victim -- and "simply saying, 'I just want to be there for you; how can I help?' can get the conversation started," suggests Esta Soler, president of Futures Without Violence. If you're still unsure, try these scripts:

* * * * *

If you suspect she's being abused, and you're approaching her for the first time: Don't focus on what a loser he is; in our survey, the top reason women stayed with an abusive partner was that they still loved him, so dismissing that love won't help. Instead, start with how awesome she is. "The victim feels anger from her partner already," says Miriam Ehrensaft, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. "If she feels it from you, too, she's less likely to hear what you have to say." (Not sure if it's abuse? Go to glamour.com/go/tell-somebody for danger signs.)

What not to say: "He's such a jerk! How can you stay with him?"

Instead, try: "No relationship is perfect, and I know you love him. But I've noticed he doesn't always treat you well, and I'm concerned about you."
* * * * *

If she says her boyfriend isn't abusive, or if she defends him: Hard as it is, try to listen. "It's much more powerful to ask questions than to lecture," says Casey Gwinn, president of the National Family Justice Center Alliance and coauthor of Dream Big. For example, does she feel differently now than before the relationship?

What not to say: "Don't you see how he's brainwashed you?"

* * * * *

If she leaves but then goes back to him: Be patient. Trying to force her to break up with him for good means you're taking control -- and that's what her boyfriend is doing. And know that it can take seven to nine tries before a woman leaves an abusive partner for good, says Diane Lass, Ph.D., who treats domestic violence victims.

What not to say: "If you go back to him one more time, I'm done!"

Instead, try: "I'll always be here for you when you need me."

* * * * *

If you feel she's in immediate danger: If he's physically hurt her or threatened to kill her, experts urge you to call the police -- yes, even if she objects. "You may think, I'll risk losing her as a friend, but it's better to do that and keep her alive," says Jill Murray, a psychotherapist who has testified before Congress on dating violence issues. "You can tell her, 'What he's doing is illegal. This is not my rule; this is the law.'"

If she's ready to get out: Call a hotline (like 800-799-SAFE) and tell a trained advocate that you have a friend who's being abused. Or, if there's one in your area, take her to a Family Justice Center for counseling, legal and other help. Also, write down any abusive episodes you witness or hear about, and tell your friend to keep any texts or emails her abuser has sent as evidence, advises the Safety Net Project's Cindy Southworth. Amilia Duchon-Voyles, executive director of SWAN, an advocacy program in Glendale, Ariz., agrees: "Most women don't document abuse, so when they go to get an order of protection, there's no history to refer to." And if your friend has injuries at any point along the way, encourage her to see a doctor. Medical documentation is the best proof of abuse.

What not to say: "Good for you," and nothing else.

Instead, try: "Do you need a prepaid cell phone? Do you need me to drive you anywhere?" Offer to keep things she'll need when she leaves: money, keys, phone numbers, clothes. And if she waffles and doesn't dump him, don't give up. It's natural to crave a movie-finale scene in which she declares, "I'm outta here!" -- but real life can be far more complicated. Says Rita Smith, executive director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: "Try not to have any expectation other than helping her achieve more safety."

Feeling Emotionally numb

Why Am I Struggling to Move On After Abuse?


Wed, 07/31/2013 - 22:44 -- kelly
Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the hardest things a person does. But even after your ex is out of your life, sometimes the emotional and mental effects from experiencing abuse can linger on. You may experience feelings of depression, guilt, anger, loss and even symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder:
  • Anxiety
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Being easily frightened or scared
  • Avoiding of stressful triggers that remind you of abuse
  • Difficulty maintaining relationships
  • Feeling emotionally numb
There is no one way to feel or heal after you leave an abusive relationship.
It may be hard to stop thinking about your old relationship. You may still think about the little comments that your ex said to break you down, make you feel worthless or to make you think that you didn’t deserve better. (Your ex was wrong by the way). You may even think about the nice things that they said and the good times that you had with them.
Being in an abusive relationship, or leaving and getting back together more than once (which is very common) can hurt your self-esteem and make you doubt yourself. If you’re feeling bad, you may even question your decision to leave in the first place. The important thing to remember is that you did leave and that took a lot of strength. Now it is time to channel your courage into healing and getting back to being a happy and healthy you.
The first step toward recovering from any type of traumatic experience is re-establishing your sense of safety. This means feeling confident that your ex won’t harm you anymore (whether that’s by cutting off contact, getting a protective order or even moving) and beginning to find stability in everyday life. Stability looks different for different people. Sometimes it’s just getting back into your school routine again. If you’re older, it can mean finding a steady job and feeling financially secure.
Second, give yourself some time to grieve. It’s normal to feel sad or angry for a while. It’s important to let yourself experience those feelings and to let them out, rather than bottling them up. There are lots of healthy ways you can do this — journaling, writing poetry or songs, creating art, exercising or dancing. In addition to being expressive, all of these activities can slowly help to restore your sense of power over your own life. They can remind you of your strengths and the beautiful things you are capable of creating.
Finally, you reconnect with ordinary life. It can be difficult to remember what life was like before an abusive relationship. You may feel emotionally closed off, and it can be hard to trust people again. Your ex-partner may have even physically isolated you from your friends and family, and you feel you have no one to turn to or that nobody could understand what you have been through.
There are always people to help. Remember that our advocates are available 24/7 for you.

You Deserve to Feel Great

Although it may difficult, this is the time that you need to focus on you and your own happiness. You never did anything to cause this and you deserve to be happy and feel safe.
What you went through is not who you are.
Healing is a process and through it, you will remember how strong, capable and extraordinary you really are. You will have good and bad times, but every day free from abuse is another piece of yourself that you get back and, eventually, those pieces will come together.

Warning Signs of abuse

Warning Signs of Abuse


Because relationships exist on a spectrum, it can be hard to tell when a behavior crosses the line from healthy to unhealthy or even abusive. Use these warning signs of abuse to see if your relationship is going in the wrong direction:

  • Checking your cell phone or email without permission
  • Constantly putting you down
  • Extreme jealousy or insecurity
  • Explosive temper
  • Isolating you from family or friends
  • Making false accusations
  • Mood swings
  • Physically hurting you in any way
  • Possessiveness
  • Telling you what to do
  • Repeatedly pressuring you to have sex
Learn more about how unhealthy relationships work by exploring our power and control wheel.

I miss Blogging for sure and this is so true we can't solve problems using the same techniques....


When we take care of our body, everything else becomes possible! Our mind and body are so connected. Sometimes it takes a shift in our body to create in a shift in our mind.

- How important is exercise and looking after your body, to your mental health?
- What comes first for you, a healthy mind or a healthy body?
- What techniques do you use for dealing with or overcoming stress? Do they involve some kind of physical response?

Saturday, July 13, 2013

People I've worked with - mini Resume:
Public Television for the Mayor of West Sacramento
Local ADT office Commercial
August 2010- Presidential Aides
Bang your head clothing line
8-rax- Music Video
I love ink - T-shirt line - photo shoot as a friend
Bueno- Sac City Music Video
Gaffers-Global Art Film Festival Tour- Movie
S H A D O W  B Y  T H E  L A K E
Lead Role-Carrie
Amber with Swag Models - personal training with you I feel is warranted a credit here! Love this sweetie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqPccGpuNZs
Flyer's for ADT
Newspaper Clippings - Teenager volunteer work
Cornerstone Mortgage Commercial's
Chick got shoes
Mother/Son for Website usage
http://www.digitalmemphoto.com/
Model's Desired Model
http://www.modelsdesired.com/models/CA/ … yaAfla.htm
Some MM Photographers I've worked with. I've worked with a lot of people that are not on this site you can message me if you'd like there information.
Trinette Denise Photography
Paul Hooks Photography - Easy to work with, delivered quicker then promised and I would work with him again anytime. Highly recommend his work.
TnT Photography - Quickly Delivered Prints
Body Painter - Great & Very professional
R54 Photographer Never gave me copies of my pictures and I drove almost 3 hours for the shoot ~ Said he mailed the CD - etc. Sad as he is a great photographer otherwise.
New Photograph - I love them! Easy to work with, great friends after we worked together, stock photos etc. I worked with them when I was a little over weight and they made me feel as though I was in great shape (ty)
 Digital Memories ~ He was new when we shot together however he was very easy to work with and I would work with him again.
Traveled to:
~Miami ~Bahamas ~Tampa FL ~Cayman Islands ~Sacramento ~San Francisco ~Union City ~San Diego
~Honduras ~Belize ~Cabo San Lucas ~Carmel ~L.A
~Las Vegas ~Union City ~Mazatlan ~Tennessee
~Cozumel Mexico ~Arizona ~Puerto Vallarta ~Santa Cruz
~Dallas TX ~Catalina Island ~Ensanada Mexico etc...
I will and can travel ~Expenses have to be discussed.
Follow me on Twitter
http://twitter.com/DailyWriting
On Facebook
www.facebook.com/dailywriting or www.facebook.com/callmetoni
Toni is Booking 4 TFP/TFCD for rare projects
Toni is Booking for Modeling Projects, Writing Projects, Promoting Needs etc.
Contact Ms. Toni through her email Marsalya1@yahoo.com or her Personal Assistant
Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you turn your attention to other things, It comes and sits softly on your shoulder...this is how I feel about life.
My name is as Beautiful as my Soul - Mar*sal*ia - I love the unique spelling and the fact that I can use M*a*r*s*a*l*i*a on everything and it be the first and only time being used. In research I found that Ma/r/s/a/li/a is a last name for many. Pretty neat piece of knowledge.
I never wanted my name to shortened and actually started to go by Toni for work reasons and Toni comes from my middle name. No one started to call me Mari (ma*di) until around 2011.
Whenever you label yourself you take the risk of being judged!
"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement."
I've done a lot of Modeling some risque, some that belong on billboards and some I may be shy about in front of my Dad and when you've been thin your entire life; too skinny some would say and you go through a battle for your life with Cancer and the chemo, steroids so fourth make you blow up not to mention the loss of twins (something I rarely will discuss) you can have some sadness, hurt and most importantly feel depressed. I at one point didn't even want to come out of my house none the less go out and chance being seen in public. I am not thin, nor super skinny anymore but I am secure enough to walk out them doors and of course wish I was in tip top shape for myself at times and have found that the most important thing for life and myself is that I am in shape for my health!
I am a Christian; I love God and when God speaks to me and says don't do that ... I go with that. I don't take my clothes off and show half my body like some girls do on personal facebook's (my acquaintances family & friends included) for themselves and for the need to be seen however I do model for clothing lines and jewelery etc. so if you see something that you feel is not of good taste I am sorry; I am a Professional Model, Love Modeling, Fashion Shows, Speaking and my household and I decide what work I will do and or put up and at the end of the day I (MYSELF) am proud of my work especially after how far I have come.. yes I am proud to share that work.
However as time goes and my relationship with God grows there may be some work I may be embarrassed of or think "what was I thinking" but I feel in life we label to much and put to much emphases on making others feel embarrassed, ashamed or wrong.
I am a lot of things - just don't call me a liar as I pride myself in being honest.
      I started modeling as a teenager; I have traveled around the world and love my life for the bad and good that I have been through.
I feel as though I have an old soul/spirit and I've always had a crazy wild side about me that may just simply be considered retro or as my Son loves to call me Hippie.
I love working for a cause, I love volunteering so if you have a event that is of good cause, I have no problem and in fact would be honored to work for your event as long as it is a notable charity or cause.
I want to be well remembered in a positive way and a women that made a difference in this world. I am passionate, active and may seem impatient at times because I follow the “go after what you want and get it” rule!
I love the Inspiration that is in my life and if your one of them THANK YOU!

About yourself - FB- use to say this

Shake off any self-pity, any bitterness. Our attitude should be, "Nobody owes me anything. I am equipped, empowered and anointed."
Truly-Ms.Toni-Mari
HMM - I love to write - have edited and re-wrote a screenplay for a short film that went full feature; I write for several Businesses as well as Professional People - I write Bio's, Scripts, Edit Resumes, Specialize in HR, opened up Safe Security Solutions (I named the company as well neat story behind that) in 2001 after us co-workers went to work with the doors locked and no final check.
I do runway for Fashion Shows & love these Boutique Owners and all the lovely people I've grown to admire & appreciate for all their kindness for me in the Entertainment World which can be - unkind - I'm blessed.
I loved being a Youth Leader for Thrive & look forward to finding a new leadership role in my home Church
I find happiness in helping others which sometimes isn't the best for someone who loves people! :) Smile big yes I know I give to much of myself which actually makes it seem like you don't get "ME" or enough of me which can seem like you don't know me.
Truth is - not everyone has the time it would take to get to know me because I'm adaptable; love seeing people happy and will be happy with simply seeing my loved ones smile.
I stepped away from my Company and worked remotely doing collections and now I am there if needed but mostly sale to people I know and Business's
I'm moving forward on my dream which is a NON profit for children- very excited and I opened up West Coast Satellite a long time ago.
I now am so proud to say that the BEST things in LIFE are FAMILY! I am A GRANDMA & MOMMY DAUGHTER BEST FRIEND & OH I LOVE MY BABY GIRL
Just opened up Julianna Marie's (Boutique just for my Granddaughter)
I'm actually just your simple girl with some drive ambition and live a simple life and want to ensure my families future.
Everyone - thinks they know me - but to be honest - I keep to myself and if I was a Entertainment - Event - & Fashion Promoter- no one would know who I was. :)

Ms.Toni-Your Entrepreneur & Entertainment Promoter, Owner of Safe, Vintage Lover, Model, Actress, Writer & Fashion Promoter 4 Robin's Nest, Personal Assistant 4 Israel Salas of Street-Low Magazine etc.
Hire Ms. Toni to Write your Bio, Script, Business Plan, Marketing, Promoting, Event planning. etc.
Book Ms. Toni as a Model for your- Clothing lines, Jewelery, Shoes, Runway Modeling, Fashion Shows, Meet & Greets, Notable Charity's, Good Cause Functions, Car Shows, Photography, Magazines.
Instagram - DailyWriting Twitter - DailyWriting

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

I hope to be apart of the Chicano Moratorium .... awww I feel my childhood again...

http://chicanomoratorium.org/html/moratorium_participants.html

Rudy Razo Chavez - MY UNCLE - I love following him ....

http://fresnoalliance.com/wordpress/?p=7884Poverty Creates Gangs

Well, here we go again, and again, and again: and where it stops nobody seems to know?

Fresno, my place of birth, is simply a metaphor for what has happened, and for what continues to happen across this great land called America, and also for what happens in other countries as well, where civil/human rights are ignored and authorities such as the FPD, and their minions, police chiefs included, engage in violations and abuse of power and the trust they are supposed to have.

And, also, poverty creates gangs, and we shouldn’t condone the poverty that largely engenders gangs and gang culture.

Finally, the question that others have asked in this situation: Who do you call when the gang wears blue and drives cars with the logo: To Serve and Protect?

Rudy Razo Chavez

Friday, June 14, 2013

It may not have been fair, but if you'll have the right attitude, instead of being a setback, it'll be a setup for God to do something great in your life.