Felt a little inspired talking about music the passed few days... 

Hmm

Do you know the words that I sing??

 

There is someone out there for me
Can you tell me his name? 
How does he laugh? How does he cry? 
What is the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I’m here? 
Where are you??  -   “Where Are You” - unknown

You yearn for someone not because you want to be complete but because you want to add more color to your life. That person must not necessarily break through your schedule but inspire you to manage your time instead. You see, it is not a matter of distance and time. It is more like a relationship in a higher level.

It is smiling alone every once in a while, knowing that somewhere, somehow, someone smiles at the thought of you too.

 Dec 23, 2011 orig post date

When intamacy turns violent - Warning signs of abuse

When Intimacy Turns Violent Know the early signs of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse to protect yourself from an abusive relationship and domestic violence. Love isn't supposed to hurt, but for too many women, physical and sexual abuse are part of their lives. Domestic violence experts estimate that 2 to 4 million women are battered each year. But domestic violence - an assault by a husband or boyfriend - doesn't always come in the most dramatic, headline-grabbing forms. Emotional and verbal abuse, date rape and more subtle forms of violence happen to women and girls of all ages. Are you - or is your daughter - in a potentially abusive relationship? Recommended Related to Sex & Relationships What Does "For Worse" Look Like? Just ask these five couples whose love passed the ultimate test.... It can happen with a phone call at 4 a.m. It can happen when your doctor says, "I have some bad news...." It can happen a week after your honeymoon, or in the middle of a deadline crunch at work, or on your way to your child's yellow-belt ceremony. Tragedy can hit, hard, anytime. And though it's romantic to think that couples can cling together and weather the storm, the reality... Domestic violence is not about anger, says Michigan psychiatrist Laura McMahon, MD, who teaches young women what behaviors are - and are not - appropriate in a relationship. "Domestic violence is about domination, manipulation and control." And abusive behavior often starts when a couple is just dating, she says. Types of Abuse Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional or verbal, says Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSN, author of When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong. She explains the different types: Physical abuse includes hitting, punching, strangling, restraining, pushing and slapping. Verbal abuse includes name-calling, shouting and yelling. Emotional abuse includes blaming, accusing and restricting your freedom - like preventing you from using the phone or talking to family members, or recording the mileage on your car to see if you've driven somewhere 'not allowed.' Attempting to confuse you mentally - as in the Hitchcock film "Gaslight" - is another perfect example, says Fay. Sexual abuse is a forced sexual encounter of any type, says Fay. This includes intercourse, inappropriate touching of any kind (even through clothing) and even forced kissing when you don't desire it. Common Abusive Behavior Most women don't leave at the first warning signs of domestic violence, Fay says, because they're afraid to rock the boat or don't have the financial resources and social support to leave. "Because of the controlling nature of abusers," she says, "it's hard for many women to make contact with someone who can help them, or even to have any money." Could you be in an abusive relationship? The Sojourner Truth House, an advocacy organization and shelter for battered women in Wisconsin, provides this list of abusive behaviors. While this list focuses on male partners, in a few cases, a woman could be the abuser in a relationship. He always has to be right Can you voice your own opinions, even if your partner disagrees? Or does he push your ideas aside and insist on being right? Short-tempered Is your partner short-tempered and quick to anger? Does he often slam doors, punch walls or throw things? Does he take out his anger on innocent animals? Uses his physical force Has your partner grabbed or squeezed you so hard you were bruised? Does your partner hold you down or shove, slap, kick or hit you, to get his way? Jealous and possessive Does your partner seem overly jealous or possessive of you? Does he frequently ask where you went, why, and whom you saw? Does he accuse you of things that you didn't do? Fascinated by weapons Does your partner carry a knife, gun or other weapon, or spend a lot of time watching violent films and videos? Heavy drinking or drugs Does your partner often drink heavily or use drugs, and become more hot-tempered when he does? Fast-moving relationships Has your relationship moved faster than you'd like? If your partner displays any of these behaviors, domestic violence experts advise you to leave immediately. "Unfortunately, you can't usually prevent domestic violence," says McMahon, "since most abusers don't feel they have a problem."

Never thought I could fear life

Life presents us with many challenges but there is one that truly stands out as being paramount.  To live life fully and freely we have to find a way in which to face our fears and overcome them.  If we do not find our way to doing this then our fears will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Fear of loss is the main perpetrator of loss.  Fear of not being loved is the main cause of not feeling loved.

How was I such a willful powerful nothing shakes me type of teenage girl but now I'm a women and fear everything? 

What is family??????????

In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit.

 

i have enough.
i deserve to be happy and i decided that it is about time.
beginning today…
I am responsible for my own happiness and I will do things that make me happy …
I will change what I can and let the rest go.

i am so much happier since I've decided to let go of the negative energy's trying to come or stay in my life.

“There is so much in life that I can’t control - the world, other people and their choices and reactions, accidents, imperfections, sufferings, hardships. Yet this is my life and regardless of what happens, I’m going to be happy.” - Richard Carlson, Ph.D.


Happiness is the result of a decision to be happy. You may believe that you will someday arrive at a place called happiness, that someday everything will fall into place and  you will be able to say: ” Great, here I am. I’ve made it to the happiness land.” Obviously, this is isn’t going to happen. Regardless of how good your life gets and how many of your dreams come true, you will still have to make the decision to be happy. You will still have to make a commitment.
 
There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

 

Love is a funny thing. you expect it to be easy. you expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. you expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react. You expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. you expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans.  

But that’s the thing. love isn’t a plan. it doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. love happens; and it is so incredibly messy.

People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. they can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. it’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. we can’t breathe the same way or function quite right without it.

Love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. it’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. it isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or pretty things that make your relationship appear more presentable. it’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. it’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you.

We are human beings. We don’t handle one another, and we can’t be handled. we are mutable creatures that need something different everyday. need something more or less to keep us going, to keep us believing that it’s not all for nothing. so no, it’s not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be all right. it’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are.
   
You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here; do what you will. mash it into mince meat. or forget I ever handed it to you. as long as you have it.

That’s the thing about love. it makes us crazy. it makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it’s about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. and it’s a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole. -m

 

“Your worth does not revolve around what others think, Your worth is what you put in yourself and know in your heart.”

When we begin to help ourselves first, you may feel selfish, but then you can begin to help others. We must first try to heal ourselves in order to realize that we are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. It is only when we lose part of ourselves that we can realize what we really are. Sometimes it is too late but that teaches us not to dwell on the past rather to learn from the situation and not have any regrets. Although many say ‘think with your head and not the heart,’ I choose to not listen and just follow my heart. That way no matter what the outcome is I know I was true to myself.

Knowing myself.....

Although it is embarrassing and painful, it is very healing to stop hiding from yourself. It is healing to know all the ways that you’re sneaky, all the ways that you hide out, all the ways that you shut down, deny, close off, criticize people, all your weird little ways. You can know all of that with some sense of humor and kindness. By knowing yourself, you’re coming to know humanness altogether. We are all up against these things. We are all in this together.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

Little did you know the pain already deep within ...
So we cried this passed week.
We tried to hold it together but it was harder then you can imagine.
Seeing someone you looked up to your entire childhood ready to loose someone "your not ready to" can kill apart of your soul.
We purposely didn't hug thanksgiving eve we knew it would turn into tears.
Thanksgiving was hard we both cried all day... however it was great to see Grandpa having a good day and talking so much.
Almost midnight we finally were home and started to talk about some really painful memories that we both had questions about and realized we weren't the only ones with these questions.
The awful truth is we weren't ready for these answers.
Why we left only to watch my Aunt be ridiculed. Like how could you?
That was the cake and the icing was being called one of the NAME(S) I would never want to be called.
I want to say after the month I've had and the passed three days of my niece going into the hospital only to still be there and how awful on Thanksgiving!!!!  <>
I bawled my eyes out for fifteen full minutes in the car, I can't explain my PAIN.
I tried to say we could go here and enjoy our time.... but to know this is why you don't go around anyone or go anywhere... that makes me feel bad!!!

Feeling Important

Sometimes people don't realize that they have a way of making you feel your so not important! Not at all, in life or just to them.

That feeling really hurts.

Makes you question your role in that relationship i.e friendship, love, family etc.

In life you have a lot of relationships that make up to be your life.

Sometimes you come to a point and realize that one or two of those may not be any good for you. Especially if they drain you.

However you can't stop it from hurting you.

-Daily Writing