Physical verses Verbal Abuse:

Physical abuse is easily identified. There is no doubt, once you have been hit, that you have been physically abused. You don’t second guess yourself because the bruises and scars are visible evidence that abuse has taken place. Verbal abuse is different. The damage is internal, there are no physical bruises or scars, just a wounded spirit and sense of self-esteem.

I didn't know how serious Verbal Abuse is:

A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you. The use of words to punish is a very covert attempt to control and regardless of how loving your spouse may appear to be, verbal abuse is wrong and can be just has harmful as physical abuse.

Sometimes your hurt feelings hurt others

Sometimes I think we forget that we meaning you and I or we all in the world have the choice to deal with our hurt and our feelings our own way but sometimes you forget that you being hurt or being down could hurt someone else. Kind of like a hurt puppy; you'd want to fix it. Well if someone loves you then they will want to fix you. We all know we can only fix ourselves so be whole be you so that way the ones you love don't get hurt thinking they don't make you happy enough in this life.

When you hurt me; I try to stop loving you but can't.

Take this knife to my throat, cut me deep and watch me choke. Kiss my cheek and walk away. Then I'll use my last breath to say I still love you.

Brusies are so dark

It's hard to believe that only seven months in he would take it that far. I was scared of him before but now I am so hurt at his words.

I feel like he hates me when he calls me names :(

2-11-2013 at 7 am originally posted

The ache in my heart

Who was i?
Was i just another memory to forget?….
Though I know I’m just a memory
like the end to one of your stories
but to me you are the one i love
I love until the end…

So I come before you to ask you;
why.... why do these things happen? 
Why must I understand and be ok?

Shall I say why should I be forgiving? 

Why should I be understanding?

Shall I feel walked all over and allow 
this feeling to take me over?

You gave your only Son for our sin
and I am trying to be understanding 
to the fact that this isn't your doing...

I am having a hard time wondering how 
I will explain what I know to someone 
else when I don't know how to explain 
it to myself. 

You can know something but dis-regard 
it in a moment when it makes your heart burn....
I feel as though my Soul has been taken from 
me... I feel as though my body is not my own...

I feel as though my life belongs to something
someone... else not of good but of evil as I 
don't get how something so bad can happen...

Please help me get some understanding...

I need understanding ...

I want a new life a new way a new view a 
new anything so I don't feel or have to feel
what I feel...

If I've been through it all and then I have to 
 face my worse fear ... I just want to ...
want to disapear as though I never existed at 
all!

I pray for strength I pray for understanding
I pray for the heart of yours... I pray for a 
day of happiness to stay... there must be a way.

Just come to me in my dreams so I can 
understand this land that I am to see one day...

I am going to lay down and try not to frown 
I am going to lay down and try not to drown. 

I want to believe in a better way a much 
better day and life of love and beauty 
a life of no hurt no dirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need so much right now ....

I never need anything but I know 
that right now I need you! I need you
but more then that I want you!

I want my faith to overcome my 
mind and my soul ... let's roll 
can we? Can I be selfish and 
ask for you to come to me above
all else before anyone before I 
walk away? I can't cry...

My eyes are becoming dry...

My heart hurts....

Dear God ... i need u... >m

Egg shells is no way for anyone in the world to live!

Yelling, swearing and screaming. I call this the “walking on eggs shells” syndrome because you are living with someone who goes verbally ballistic for very little cause.

original post 2-19-2013

Name Calling

Being called names by your spouse. Any negative form of name calling is unacceptable. If you feel that it is a put down, then it most likely is. There are names that are obvious and, without question abusive. Then there are the covert, veiled attempts to put a spouse down that are harder to identify. Verbal abusers love to use constructive criticism to beat a spouse down. If your spouse is constantly criticizing you, “for your own good,” be careful. This is the most insidious form of verbal abuse. 

original post 2-9-2013

“I’ve tried to block your memory to protect me from the pain, pretend I never knew you, and never heard your name. But the walls aren’t strong enough and I fight my tears in vain. The feeling came creeping through and the hurt is still the same. I wish I could forget you, or make you see me now. The pain will ease in time, and though I know it’s over and what we had is gone, the memories will live forever in a corner of my mind.”
She: God after a long time i saw him today, he looks so happy. He didnt noticed me but i saw him smiling, he looks so good and I miss him all over again. I know how i asked you to take care of him, to always make him safe and happy. I know how im asking you to make him feel love and even asked you to bring the right girl for him, someone who can take care of him, someone who will love him.  But why am I feeling this way God? im hurting, i dont understand, i should be happy for him but im not. I feel bad, it shouldn’t be this way

God: i understand, dont worry it is natural to feel that way. You will get better, i promise.

She: but God, Why? I dont like this feelings, it feels like my heart is breaking again… It took me a years to put the pieces back together and i thought im already okay but seeing him again makes it painful again. Why?

God: because you love.

She: Does it really have to hurt? 
 
God: yes....because that is how you will learn. You will be okay, can you please trust me? I am here, i will take that pain away, all you have to do is to let go, really just fully let go…everthing that is in your heart right now, that pain, anger, everything will go away! Trust me, i am here for you. i love you.

 "I remember feeling so hurt so down, I just wanted to crawl into my bed and DIE... I never thought I would get over the pain he caused me. I could have died and felt better then I was feeling because I felt so dead inside. However I can say that God was right and I'm not hurt by this man anymore. I'm finally okay spiritually and understand that I needed to be that hurt and needed to learn from it.”