I want you back...

The last couple weeks have been really hard; I always knew the day if it came would be hard *sigh* I know a couple years ago we (the family) all came together and thought he was leaving us that night & I'm forever grateful for a couple more years; it still hurts none the less. I find myself crying at the oddest moments-

(I want him back.)

I've always made sure to keep the people that mean the world to me super close so that way when this time came or went I would have no regrets.

I remember coming back from Puerto Vallarta & Cabo San Lucas saying I wish I would have came earlier and took my Grandparents.

Now I can't take my Grandpa but I know I need to take my Grandma the places she wanted but couldn't go. She did such a great job being by my Grandpa's side all this time.

This poem is kind of how I feel about him leaving ....

God looked around His garden

And found an empty place.

He then looked down upon the earth

And saw your tired face.

He put his arms around you

And lifted you to rest.

God’s garden must be beautiful

He always takes the best.

He saw the road was getting rough

And the hills were hard to climb,

So He closed your weary eyelids

And whispered "Peace be thine".

It broke our hearts to lose you

But you didn’t go alone,

For part of us went with you

The day God called you home.

I remember late last year I was ready to move to Hawaii, really ready to go and in January I told my friend I couldn't go yet, I had to wait. I really didn't think there would only be a few more months but I knew if all I had was a few years I wanted that time with my Grandpa.

Last week being at a birthday party and listening to the Mexican music, I think it all just hit me, I will dance in my mind with him until we meet again. (Believe me if your Grandpa wants to dance with you, do it. It is one of my favorite memories today.) I can still see his smiling face. I can still hear him call me CHATA...

I remember calling the house and him telling my Grandma "Is that my Chata? Oh tell her ... then Grandma saying here you talk to her; Grandpa yelling in my ear, his hearing aide always low so he could just say yes by nodding to Grandma, hi Mijita how are you? Aw thank you for calling."

Every time I see a Concha I will wish I was taking him another one. I remember the last year of driving out of the way but making sure I did each time to stop by to bring Concha's (calling mom to ask which are his favorite?) take him to La Unica, see that was better then going to see him in the hospital.

I never thought I would go to that hospital again - (The one my Auntie passed in) but I would go to Panchos and grab him a milkshake (he loved those) that or a soda he sure would try to ask any and everyone if he could please have a BIG PEPSI....

I miss the times taking him to the Casino, taking him to the little mexican place in Natomas and having him over for the holidays as well as having our many conversations....

*sigh.......